


Only for a Moment

by tinypinkmouse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dubious Consent, Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-18
Updated: 2010-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-12 18:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/127755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypinkmouse/pseuds/tinypinkmouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam never thought he'd have this and he's not about to question it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only for a Moment

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Suomi available: [Vain hetken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/128305) by [tinypinkmouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypinkmouse/pseuds/tinypinkmouse)



> I was bloody stupid enough to prompt [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/princess_aleera/profile)[**princess_aleera**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/princess_aleera/) to write her one major squick (the fic's [here](http://princess-aleera.livejournal.com/55939.html) btw, if you want to know. It's John/Bobby and completely adorable). And it wasn't any kind of accident, I did it quite knowingly. What I totally forgot to think of is the fact that this is the only person who knows most (maybe all) of my triggers when it comes to Supernatural. She knows what I can write and what I can't... so obviously she gave me a prompt that's not just really difficult for me to write, but nearly impossible. Can't really say I didn't deserve it though. Fair is fair, I had to get it written. And if this totally sucks... well I'm not surprised and for once I don't really care, because I'll be busy over in the bathroom, crying and trying not to throw up. This has gone through very minimal editing, because I can't make myself read through it another time. Not yet at least.
> 
> The story takes place between 5.04 _The End_ and 5.05 _Fallen Idols_. The three first flashbacks take place during episodes, I'll list them at the end of the fic just in case.

Dean's hands tremble when he presses them to Sam's chest. Sam makes himself stand still when Dean leans forward and tilts his head up. He doesn't even blink when uncertain green eyes look into his, doesn't dare to breath as those perfect pink lips press softly against his own.

For a moment it's like everything just stops. Dean's lips held against Sam's and the whole world freezes and Sam doesn't think about why this is happening. Won't think about it.

With a growl Sam pushes Dean back against the door, covers Dean with his own body. He bites at Dean's lip and when Dean opens his mouth Sam thrusts his tongue inside and it isn't gentle at all.

He can feel Dean trembling all over now.

* * *

  
 _Three years ago_

"Damn it dad, there has to be something," It's not quite a yell. "He's…" He can't finish the sentence, not when he looks at John and sees the same pain that's tearing Sam to pieces in his eyes.

"He's got your mom's eyes, you know," John says in a rough whisper, and it's not the kind of thing he says. Not to Sam. And the words mean too much.

Sam will never be sure why he says it, but for once it feels like he and John understand each other perfectly and the words are just there. "Jess had eyes like his," Sam whispers, his own eyes on John.

The silence is all too heavy and Sam can't stand it. "I was… I felt something in there…" He says, because that's what he came to talk about, but right now he just wants the moment gone.

"What do you mean, you felt something?"

Later Sam will wonder if maybe part of him didn't know all along what John was planning. It doesn't really matter.

* * *

  
At some point Sam pulls away from the kiss. "Mine," he growls and nips at Dean's lips.

Dean breathes in harshly, trying to catch his breath and there's something almost unbearably fragile in the eyes looking at Sam. Dean's hands are still pressed against Sam's chest, trapped between their bodies and now that he finally has Dean right here, Sam isn't about to let go.

* * *

  
 _Seven months ago_

"Oh, come on. That... That's just sick."

Sam tries to look like he agrees, what the hell else is he supposed to do? He's always known that his feelings for Dean weren't exactly normal.

But he's never had to see that disgust on Dean's face. Never been completely sure that there was no chance at all that…

At least Dean still doesn't know. At least he's not disgusted by _Sam_ , that has to count for something. It just has to.

* * *

  
Sam's not sure how they got to the bed, but it doesn't really matter when he's holding Dean's arms above his head with one hand while his other is pulling at the button on Dean's jeans.

Somewhere along the way they've both lost their shirts and nothing at all matters when Dean's lying under him and looking up at Sam with pupils blown wide and lips red and swollen from kisses. Nothing in the whole world matters as much as the way Dean's breath hitches and he bites his lip when Sam's hand slides under the waistband of his jeans.

"Don't move your hands," Sam warns him before letting go.

Dean _whimpers._

* * *

  
 _Two weeks ago_

Sam didn't mean to do it. It's the one thing Sam has never meant to do. The one thing he's wanted to do for as long as he remembers. Because Sam can't remember ever _not_ being in love with Dean.

But there was something about the way Dean had looked at him. And there'd been that brief, awkward, but heartfelt hug and then before either of them knew what was happening Sam had grabbed a hold of Dean's jacket and Sam's lips were on Dean's, needy, desperate and almost violent.

Dean stiffens and goes absolutely still. Sam's pretty sure he isn't even breathing. Sam backs away. He can hear his heartbeat thudding loudly in his ears and he tastes bile as he meets Dean's eyes.

For a second more there's nothing at all on Dean's face, he's still frozen in place like he doesn't quite comprehend what just happened. Then there's a flash of anger.

"What the hell, Sam?" Dean yells, and there's anger and yeah, disgust too. But something about it still sounds hollow to Sam's ears.

There's still fear in Dean's eyes.

* * *

  
Sam slides down along Dean's body and it doesn't take long at all to get the jeans off of him. He nips and licks his way back up Dean's thigh until he reaches the edge of his boxers. He looks up along Dean's body and he can see his arms twitching with the effort to stay still.

It takes a while before Dean's eyes meet his. Dean's gaze is unfocused, his breath shallow. Sam grins at him and without looking away from Dean's eyes he slides the boxers off Dean.

* * *

  
 _An hour ago_

Sam picks himself up from where the ghost had managed to fling him.

"You okay, Sammy?" Dean asks and it should be normal, but he sounds just a little too worried given the situation.

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

Sam frowns and meets Dean's concerned look. It had just been your normal, run of the mill ghost and maybe it had gotten a bit dicey there at the end, but there was no need for Dean to look at him like he'd been seconds away from losing Sam.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

* * *

  
"Don't move," Sam says. He stands up, takes a step back so he can admire the sight in front of him. He takes his time running his eyes over Dean, spread out naked on the bed, all for Sam. The beauty of it nearly takes his breath away.

He can see the tremors running through Dean's body.

"Sam." Dean's voice is wrecked and Sam can still hear the fear underneath it.

"I'm here," he tells Dean, his own voice rough. He tugs off the rest of his own clothing impatiently.

When their naked bodies press together Sam can't stop the shiver that runs through him or the hitch in his own breath. Dean's arms are still held exactly where Sam left them and he smiles down at Dean.

"Mine," he says and it comes out a growl.

"Yes," Dean breathes out just before Sam claims his mouth in another almost brutal kiss.

* * *

  
 _About thirty minutes ago_

Dean steps inside the motel room just behind Sam.

"Sam," he says as the door clicks shut.

"Yeah?" Sam asks and turns to look at Dean.

Dean takes a step closer to Sam and he looks… scared. "Don't let me think about it," he whispers. Dean lifts a hand and presses it against Sam's chest.

**Author's Note:**

> The three first flashbacks take place during (or in one case just after) these episodes; 2.01 _In My Time Of Dying_ , 4.18 _The Monster at the End of this Book_ and 5.04 _The End_.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Only for a Moment [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/313985) by [tinypinkmouse_podfic (tinypinkmouse)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypinkmouse/pseuds/tinypinkmouse_podfic)




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